You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
