As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
