My hand turned me down
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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