coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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