I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
