After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
