He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
