..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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