shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
