whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
