My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
