In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
