Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
wanna go halves on a baby?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
