yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
