I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
