I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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