were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
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