yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
