i think my tv is drunk
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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