I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
this will be a night to untag.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just invented taco cereal.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
