Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
