I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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