I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
