After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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