this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
