does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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