I wish life had little blips of pornography
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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