Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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