you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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