I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
wow bdsm is so cute
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