I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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