In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
