who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
