i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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