shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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