bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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