my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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