I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
