You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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