i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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