i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
