I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
