No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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