my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
