Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
