Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
