the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
