This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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