Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
