I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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