you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
