You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
is it fun? or sober?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
