i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
